Great Marriage Tips

Ask the Marriage Maven: Angered by an Affair

Q. About a year ago, my husband had an affair with someone we both knew. It happened while I was pregnant. He said it would never happen again, but I’m not so sure. She’s still in and out of our social circles.

I want to try to work things out, but every time I think about it, it makes me sick. The sad thing is that we’ve been married less than three years. Maybe he wasn’t ready to be married. How do we work through our problems and have a happy marriage? Right now, it seems impossible.
P. R.

A. First off, let me say that I’m sorry that this happened to you. It’s hard to overcome the powerful feelings that linger after an affair. But if you think it’s impossible to have a happy relationship now, that’s exactly what it will be. However, if you throw away the attitude of the impossible and embrace the one of determination, having a happy marriage can happen.

You might be right. It is possible (maybe probable) that your husband did not fully understand what your marriage would entail before getting into it, but now you both have a responsibility, and that includes raising your child.

It seems like you’re making some good moves. Seeking help from books and the internet is a great idea. However, I would suggest that if you are not seeking professional counseling or coaching now–do it! Go with someone you trust to get you thought this difficult time. Even if you’re the only one doing it at first, it’s good to get started with a person who can give and objective approach and help you resolve some issues.

Ultimately, you and your husband will need to determine if renewing your commitment can work. Each of you will have to make a choice to consciously work at making your relationship better. Both of you will need to make your marriage a priority—even above taking care of your child(ren).

Despite what many people think, love is not a feeling, it’s a decision. I once heard a saying: “Marriage is like a pet snake, you better feed it every day or bad things will happen.” If your husband is willing to change, positive action towards making your marriage better will be evident. That said keep your eyes and heart open.

No Comments »

How to save your marriage is not exactly the same for one person as it is the next. It’s true that in most cases a marriage can be improved with a few simple steps, but the amount of improvement varies from marriage to marriage-check out these tips to help get your back on track…

How To Save Your Marriage 1
You need to get the communication back. Communication is usually one of the first things that dries up in a problematic marriage, and that in itself leads to a lot of other problems. To help you both communicate more effectively set aside a certain amount of time each day to share with each other. During that time, talk over your days and ask questions of each other. Find out what it is that made you want to communicate with each other to begin with. After a few days of doing this you should find your communication skills are beginning to come back for each other.

How To Save Your Marriage 2
Spend some quality time together. It’s a little bit of a cliché, but a nice trip or a few days spent outside your usual relationship area can do wonders for you both. Even better, if you can make trips or activities like this a habit, as it will help you learn how to interact with each other in a fun and loving fashion again. These days it’s all too easy to let our communications boil down to the bear minimum, so try not to let this happen.

How To Save Your Marriage 3
Brush up on your listening skills. Sometimes when you get to know someone so well, it’s almost as if you feel you no longer need to engage them or listen to them in conversation. If you can become a better listener you can prove to your partner that you are engaged in their life and that you respect their opinions. Is there anyone that doesn’t want that? Simply by starting and actively participating in conversations with them you will be strengthening your bond, and you’ll notice your partner is more interested in you too.

How To Save Your Marriage 4
Don’t let the finance ruin the romance. Life can be very tough when money is an issue in a marriage. Financial problems are often ongoing and unlikely to be solved in short order, so it’s a great idea to develop a set of rules for you both. If you both abide to a pre-conceived idea about how you will take care of the finances, the problems and arguments should be minimized.

How To Save Your Marriage 5
Make it fun. A marriage should be in place due to the amount of fun you have had with each other at some point. If you’ve removed the fun and replaced it with the mundanity of everyday life, how can you possibly expect the marriage to survive? It’s an excellent idea to have some activities or hobbies to get involved with together-these can very easily become “your” way to spend time and have fun with each other.

As you’ve seen, the answer to the question “how to save a marriage?” varies widely from relationship to relationship, but hopefully you will find something of use in this article. Check out the links below for some great marriage advice.

No Comments »

Planning a successful wedding requires careful planning and execution. A wedding planner can help the busy bride with essential details of the wedding planning process. A wedding, like any other project, requires careful planning where budgetary constraints have to be followed and deadlines must be met.

If you close your eyes and think of the many aspects and components of your wedding, you must see the opportunities for disasters are endless. You may not think of it that way, but planning a wedding is a complex job, and it can become quite stressful overwhelming and time consuming.

Today’s brides are busy with their job in their own professions and may not have the time or desire to take on the job of planning their wedding. The average timeframe between the engagement and the wedding is 12 to 16 months. Because of the duration of the wedding planning process, you may want to seriously consider hiring a professional wedding planner.

Wedding planners are experts at making your special day less stressful and more organized. Even though hiring a wedding planner can cost several thousands of dollars, but in return you can save considerable time, money and your peace of mind. Wedding planners should be prepared to help you with design, financial, legal, etiquette, and many more related issues. You need someone on your team that has the professional experience to hold it all together.

Because wedding planners are experienced professionals, they have experience with wedding vendors of all kind. Regardless of your budget and personal taste, they will be able to recommend reception venues, photographers, or any other related wedding service professional you might need. Simply put, they can assist and guide you in making informed decisions. More specifically, wedding planners will help you with the following tasks:

Evaluate vendor contracts and recommend clarification before signing.

Recommend potential caterers, florists, reception venues, wedding dress fittings, wedding officiants, etc.

Organize and attend the wedding rehearsal dinner.

Provide you support and solutions to unexpected occurrences.

Finalize your wedding program.

Since a wedding planner can make or break your special day, selecting one could be one of the most important first steps you take toward planning your perfect wedding. Try to get recommendations from your friends and family and consult associations for wedding planners on how to hire a wedding planner.

You may not have the budget or desire to hire a wedding planner to plan your wedding from start to the wedding day. It is still recommended that you at least consult with a wedding planner on some of the most important elements of your wedding. Remember, your wedding is your special day and you want to feel like a guest at your own wedding. A wedding planner can help you succeed.

No Comments »

Russian brides are the most popular type of mail order bride. However, when going into this type of market, there are most scams than honest deals.  Many people turn to the Internet to find love.  There are millions of online dating consultants and plenty of mail orders.  However, how do you know that you are being scammed?  Look for the following signs.  If you can recognize any of them to your situation than you are most likely being scammed!

Well first, you should be caution with anyone online dating or brides.  When you put your profile on site, you should let yourself go and place a picture online.  Most of the time people only search pictures so if you’re serious, add a pic.  If someone responses to your profile and claims to be in love at first sight, stand back.

There is no such thing, even if they do have a legitimate feeling about you, it’s not love! No one can fall in love to a profile.   Next, think about the Russian’s picture.  Did it look professional?  If so, then don’t keep an interest because most Russian’s who are there for love or marriage, don’t get professional pics done. You should look at their income and guess their personality.  If the picture contradicts, your impression of the woman, than it’s not the person or it’s a scam.  You do have a possibility of getting an honest profile and done by professionals, but it won’t be model quality.

Once you get to know someone (a couple of responses), you should ask her to take a picture of herself in front of a landmark like the Kremlin or in her garden or something that will look like the Russian environment. You can possible trap the person early one by asking for more pictures.  If the person is using pictures of someone else, she/he may forget what they sent you to begin with and then you can call them out if there are discrepancies.

Look at the letters; do they look like they are mass-produced?  Is your name only placed in a couple places all the time?  Also, pay attention to content.  If you are never asked about your life, family, the city you live in and so on, then they aren’t interested in meeting you.  Also, make your letters personally like your dog died or you took the long way home today and if you get no response to that than the letters are mass produced and it’s a scam. There are so many more things that you can pick out of the conversations or letters that will tell you it’s a scam.  You shouldn’t allow yourself to be blind and specially look for some of these tips.

When it comes to Russian Brides, you must be careful and try to find any signs of a scam.  It can be hard to judge someone whom you’ve become accustomed to lean on, but it must be done to protect your privacy, feelings, and bank account.

No Comments »

Marriage is a beautiful relationship. Unfortunately, during the current years, more marriages are getting broken than ever. People are not able to co exist together in marriage. What are the possible reasons? Why marriages are breaking faster, why are we not getting what we want from marriage? Are our expectations wrong? Or our choice of partner is faulty? Let us find out.

The major factors that contribute to success in marriage are   – Knowing what we desire in the marriage, selecting the right partner for fulfilling those desires, defining marriage goals and getting approval about them from the partner, discussing all the issues that hurt the relationship, changing your own style of relating so that marriage becomes stronger and not giving up so easily if cracks develop and try to save the marriage. a broken marriage is not pleasant for any one and hurts.

A marriage is like a cart on two wheels. Both the partners are the wheels. If one wheel becomes weaker or if the wheels are different in size, the cart stops moving. It is similar with marriage. If one partner over dominates or demands more only for himself/herself, the marriage will suffer. For a marriage to succeed, the partners have to take care of each other’s desires, emotions, physical needs and intellectual needs. Both the partners have to support each other to grow and not criticize each other. For example, if a partner knows that his/her spouse is weak in a certain area, it is the duty of the other partner to compensate that and not criticize. Another factor is fear of conflict. Sometimes, the conflicts become so pain giving that partners avoid talking to each other fearing that a conflict may arise. This fear of conflict will kill all communication. Instead what is needed is- healthy communication and peaceful resolution of conflicts in a spirit of give and take. Why should a partner be afraid of talking to other partner in a marriage? That sounds ridiculous, but this is true. This phase spells near death of a marriage. Marriage is a beautiful phase of life. The secret lies in how to carry on for a lifetime.

No Comments »

Seeking help from marriage counselors is a good step in improving your marriage. This shows your sincerity in keeping the relationship together and to make it stronger. But this also shows that your marriage is on the rocks. Why seek counseling if the marriage is doing great?

Maybe the vow that you made together with your husband or wife in front of the church altar is not enough to keep your marriage out of trouble. This could be due to some uncontrollable circumstances, failure to address this problem is the reason why many married couples are now resorting to counseling., and if it doesn’t work, a divorce may be the last recourse.

Some people look down at the thought of seeking counseling. They feel that a third person could not fix what the two of them couldn’t. But getting a fresh perspective from an experienced person may just be the answer.

The Right Time

It would be advisable to start your marriage counseling on an early basis—preferably before you get married or early in the marriage, especially if you sense that the two of you are having communication problems with each other.

Do not treat counseling like a “sealant in the leakage”. Some people have misconceptions that it should only be considered if the situation will lead to divorce. Instead of seeing it in that point of view, it will be better if you will take counseling to enlighten and help you and your husband or wife develop a clear and honest communication and proper handling of your problems once you and your partner get involved in a marriage.

Improve your marriage in its best condition. It will not be good if the two of you will just get a marriage counselor just because you are planning to separate from each other. Instead, let your marriage counselor be your guide in shaping your relationship in the best possible shape there is. Your counselor is not the best solution to your problem—it is both of you that can fix it. It is your commitment and your dedication to the marriage.

No Comments »

Switching between Mom’s house and Dad’s house can be difficult and stressful for children, but the manner that parents approach transition times can have a big impact on how children react. It is important for parents to realize that children have worries, concerns, hopes and fears about the divorce or separation, and times of visitation can often bring a lot of those concerns to the surface, especially if there is conflict between parents.

Research very clearly shows that the amount of conflict that children are exposed to before, during and after the divorce determines how well children will adjust to the divorce. If the conflict continues or gets worse during visitation times, or any other time, children are more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems. Children that see parents being civil and respectful of each other are more likely to feel loved, secure and safe and are less likely to have ongoing emotional or behavioral problems.

There are some strategies that parents can use to make visitation easier for children. Remember that the more strategies you use, the more beneficial it will be to your children.

1. Speak positively about the other parent and the time that children will spend with the other parent.  For example ” I know that you are going to have a great weekend with your Dad because he has special plans”, is much more positive than “I know you don’t want to go, but the court papers say you have too”.  In the first sample the child is clearly hearing that you know Dad is a fun person to be with, and has spent some time planning a great weekend.

2. Have the child ready to go on time, and be on time to pick-up the child or children. If you need the children to have a particular item, make sure you tell the other parent so they can be ready, rather than scrambling around at the last minute.

3. Avoid discussing any sensitive topics during the pick-up or drop-off of the kids. Make it short and positive, and don’t be tempted to discuss problems or concerns at this time. Remember that this is a tough time for the children, and parent conflict or emotional tension will just make it worse.

4. Keep basic supplies at both houses. Avoid having to pack a suitcase for the children, rather have socks, underwear, pj’s, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, brushes and other personal items at both houses. This helps children understand that they have two homes, not just one home and a place to visit.

5. Avoid using the term “visitation” or “access” with your children. This is a court term, not a child-friendly phrase. Try saying “This is your weekend to spend time with Mom” rather than “This is Mom’s visitation time”.

6. Let the children know that they can call you to say goodnight or just to talk. Avoid calling over to the other parent’s house as this can be seen as a sign of distrust. Rather allow the kids to call you, or perhaps arrange a time that you can phone over to say goodnight if the children are too young to use the phone.

Children love to spend time with both parents, and making visitation easier on the kids is one way that parents can begin to work together in their role as coparents to the children.

No Comments »

If you are not familiar with what a honeymoon registry is, you should be!

Today, many couples are already living together prior to getting married. For some, it may be a second marriage. As a result, the need for the usual household items as wedding gifts often does not exist.

The natural solution to the wedding “gift giving” dilemma is the popular and growing trend toward honeymoon registries.

It’s perfect! You get a great honeymoon and your guests can feel good about giving you a gift that they know you really wanted. Something personal and meaningful.

A honeymoon registry is very similar to the usual gift registry. The difference being that instead of getting pieces of crystal or china as gifts, you will get “pieces” of your honeymoon. What a wonderful idea!

When you join a honeymoon registry, your chosen destination package is broken down into affordable “pieces” and listed just like a normal gift registry. The airfare may be broken into several smaller pieces. Each meal or activity you choose will be listed. Your guests can then search your registry and purchase a desired piece of your honeymoon for you.

There are many honeymoon registries to choose from but all are not created equal.

A good registry will…

… be simple to use. Remember, not all of your guests are computer savvy.

… provide both email and postcard notification of your registry to your guests. Not everyone has a computer and postcards are just more personal.

… provide your guests with a visual and physical accounting of their purchase. A gift card to present to the bride and groom as well as a receipt for their own purposes is required.

… have exceptional, personal, customer service complete with a 1-800 number so that guests may contact them with any questions they may have.

… have a proven track record and specialize in honeymoon registry service and travel.

… be bonded to ensure protection of the money in your registry account.

… pay out your collected honeymoon funds in a timely manner.

Call them. Talk with them. Make sure you are completely comfortable with your choice before committing.

As a polite gesture on your part, take pictures of your “gifts” while on your honeymoon. The guests who contributed to your happiness will appreciate a picture in your thank you card!

No Comments »

One out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Millions of Americans are filing for divorce.  As the divorce rate continues to escalate in America, dating relationships are becoming more popular.

Social scientists have led us in the wrong direction, as they embrace incorrect solutions to a momentous problem. They are sending forth a message that is misleading pertaining to dating relationships. This message by social scientists will continue to mislead individuals who sincerely want to establish healthy dating relationships, with the hope of embracing an everlasting marriage.  In this article, we will explore the truth behind the soaring divorce rate. In our search for a remedy, we are spending billions of dollars annually chasing illusionary solutions.

In the previous article, “The Art of Selection”, we explored how the selection process is retarded when selecting our dating partners.  One’s selfish soul perverts the meaning of dating that may lead to marriage by focusing on imagination and desires.  Take a step further; let us look at imaginary pleasures and security. Trapped in the fairy tale syndrome, we pursue dating and love relationships in an effort to receive immediate and future gratification from our dating partners. The selfish soul commits acts that weaken the foundation of a healthy relationship from the very start.  The potential dating partner commits blameworthy acts to make a good impression. He/she gives a misleading representation of oneself, being overly kind, spending extravagantly, being conscious of one’s physical appearance, always appearing truthful, having late night telephone marathons, and displaying a disposition of caring and commonality of interests are commonplace when painting a handsome picture of deception. In one’s effort to insure the acquisition of his/her desires, he/she resorts to deception to consummate personal relationships that eventually end in disaster. This activity is the beginning of the breakdown in the marriage union before a potential marriage couple says, “I do”.

Before marriage and during the courtship, the relationship seems magical. Every day is a heartwarming experience. It feels so surreal and no one likes to be aroused from a dream. This state of elation takes total control of us, blocking out any semblance of rational thought. Helplessly hypnotized, we become a servant to an oppressive master, our own desires. We absorb this form of deception similar to a sponge that absorbs water that eventually transforms into tears.

Allowing our desires to be the criteria to make decisions exposes us to the most destructive form of a relationship.  It becomes impossible to be fair, just, equitable, impartial, unprejudiced, unbiased, objective or dispassionate with others or ourselves. If the family structure is the foundation of society, then we must rethink our strategy when approaching a serious relationship.

As the dawn of reality rushes in and the dusk of deception slowly fades away, reflecting the light of reason, it becomes apparent we are in an undesirable dating relationship.  It is no surprise that our mate’s disposition changes. He/she goes from being overly kind to being overly aggressive, mentally and physically. Sexual passion dissipates, extravagant spending dissolves, the truth becomes lies, commonality of interest changes to two strangers passing by one another in the night, and the list of deceptions continues to unfold.

No Comments »

‘Will you be my bridesmaid’?  The all-important question you may ask your best friend or even your sister, who you want to be your bridesmaid or maid or honor.   You would want the important person in your life to be there for you and be a part of your most memorable day.  It is a special moment when you are surrounded by your loved ones, taking care of you before the wedding and during.

How would you show your love and affection to this special person and how will you show your gratitude to her, for being there with you through all those childhood years and being there for you and standing there with you on your wedding day.  That’s how the tradition of bridesmaid gifts came into being.  Apart from the maid of honor, there are other bridesmaids too that you would want to thank for by giving bridesmaid gifts.

Preparing for your wedding is an tedious task for these bridesmaids, especially the maid of honor who has a lot of preparing to do.  A bridesmaid gift given with love will make all the difference and makes them feel appreciated.

There are several things that can be given as bridesmaid gifts.  Usually all bridesmaids are given the same bridesmaid gifts, except for the maid of honor, who gets a special gift for her extra effort.  You can also buy a different gift for each one of them or buy the same gift with different colors etc.   These days you can even get something personalized made for each one of them.  You can give them necklaces and earrings as bridesmaid gifts, for them to wear with their bridesmaid dresses.  You can even individually see that you meet their personal tastes. A good wine box along with a bottle of her favorite vintage wine is a great bridesmaid gift.  There are toiletry bags to take care of beauty supplies.  You can buy a good one with a mirror and enough space to put all toiletries. How about pearl necklaces if you are wearing pearls too, so that all of you look synchronized together and they get a beautiful gift of a lifetime too.

There are several things you could give as bridesmaid gifts, bath robes, make up kits, gift pouches, chains, perfumes, and anything at all that you would give as a gift on any special occasion.  Only thing is, you will need to keep each ones personality in mind while buying bridesmaid gifts.  Don’t buy things you cannot afford.  Be within your budget and buy something that you know they would love.  It is the thought that matters, that you care for them.  Whatever you buy as the bridesmaids gifts, make sure to get something more expensive or an extra gift for your maid of honor.

By giving bridesmaid gifts, the bride is thanking them for their effort in putting her wedding together.  Bridesmaid gifts  are a token of appreciation and love.  Don’t forget the thank you note.  A beautiful bridesmaid gift along with a thank you note does wonders for a long lasting friendship.

No Comments »